Date: June 18, 2015
posted by Marijana Cabrita / Comments: No Comments / Tags: love, self-love, self-worth, Soul, soul-love
Is the self-help industry pushing self-centred behaviour these days? Maybe it looks that way to many but my theory is it has a whole lot more to do with spiritual seeking making way for a shift to a fundamental awakening of who we truly are.
I’m sure you are well aware of the self-development jargon that is trending these days, such as ‘self-care’ and ‘self-love’. And the truth is, the development of our self does matter. You matter (tacky, I know)! And self-love is real and necessary. It’s a necessary means of returning to your true nature. Your true nature is golden.
I think that many get stuck on the self that is attached to gratifying the ego, which is fleeting and temporary and lonely, very lonely. I believe that it is possible to live connected to the intrinsic love that is a part of our spirit—our natural essence. And I know many, including myself who feel called to awaken to this and live a life congruent with this purpose. The path then becomes not so much about external ways of feeling good but rather, a continual returning home to a remembering of the peace that resides in love within us all.
Self-care and self-love are two ways of describing intentional behaviour that invert our attention inward allowing us to tend to what our body, mind and spirit need at any given moment. Self-care is the actionable step that one takes to care for Self, which rests on an intention to feel better, do better and live better. This is a very challenging task for many people who do not believe they are worthy of better or ‘more’.
Here is what I have noticed though about why this is so challenging for so many (and maybe this is why people are really starting to take it seriously). I believe that we are globally in an existential crisis. I believe that in this information age we are more prone to getting stuck in our heads and our egos and it’s disconnecting us from our hearts and our connection to our sacred essence.
I believe that many are steeped in defeat, shame, anger, and exposed directly or indirectly to endless trauma and that these feelings and experiences have become cemented by perceptions of unworthiness.
So, do we have the option of skipping over deep healing in order to jump on over to the self-love bonfire, which from my vantage point is not sustaining itself with just the tinder of self-care? I guess the answer is in the question. Our true self-worth is not built on self care alone. It’s a starting place. A place where one can begin to transform their beliefs about themselves by nurturing themselves wholeheartedly and compassionately, as a mother would her child.
However, I do not want to discount the value of self-care. Self-care can certainly be a gateway to true soul love. It opens the mind to believing in one’s worthiness and it opens the heart to self-compassion. In order to deeply know your worth, you need to embrace every ounce of your being with complete acceptance. The painful bits and all.
The deep healing work does not need to look like traditional therapy. It most definitely has its’ place. True healing of one’s heart opens the door to a life more aligned with the sacredness of oneself and less in the realm of ego and fear.
I am with the Buddhists on the fact that life on this earth will inevitably come with suffering and yet, I know through my own healing that suffering is a right of passage from the dark into the light. From living a life of continuously seeking ego satisfaction to a life of being with the ebbs and flows of human existence and the aliveness that is our nature. This aliveness is brought to life with attention and love (Jack Kornfield calls it ‘loving awareness’).
It is clear that the better we take care of our own well being the more love we have to give to others, resulting in feelings of more satisfaction in our relationships with people and life in general. So, learn to trust in your worthiness, take chances on yourself and in your relationships. Believe in love. Connect to the soul love that is your true nature.
Marijana Cabrita, MA & RCC