Date: June 22, 2015
posted by Lee / Comments: No Comments / Tags: boys, friendship, girlfriends, jealousy, suspicious minds
I’ve always had a lot of male friends, just as many if not more than female and some people find this dynamic a bit abnormal. I’ve never understood this attitude, as gender plays no role in whom I find interesting or attractive. This identifier is just one small part of what makes someone who they are, and a part that they most of my friends didn’t have any say in, so why should it have any bearing on whether or not I socialise with them or like them?
I believe it is perfectly healthy to have friends in all shapes, colours, sizes and genders. My husband has more female friends than male and that’s nothing I’d even given any thought to until recently. I was out with a male friend of mine and was accused, quite violently, of having an affair with him by his then girlfriend. We are not teenagers, we are in our 30’s. Of course the accusation is totally false and laughable, but it did make me think, what did I do to cause this kind of suspicion? We two have never met, so it couldn’t be something she had observed which planted this idea in her head, it was very simply the fact that I had a vagina that led her to this ridiculous conclusion.
I have never suspected my husband of having an affair and I’m out of the country for three months in a row sometimes, so he’d have plenty of time on his hands to stray if he wanted to, but he hasn’t and I don’t worry that he will. Worry is futile and destructive. I choose to trust my partner and as a result, our relationship is wonderful and built on trust and respect.
I am often blown away by the insecurities some people live with on a daily basis, be they body related, work related or relationship related. I’m certainly not saying I’m the most confident person on the planet, but I luckily don’t suffer from a heightened, irrational fear of loss, because for those who do, that fear is the force propelling them towards what they are most afraid of.
Accusing someone you love of sleeping with someone else is not going to help that relationship to flourish. Of course, if there is evidence to support the accusation, my recommendation is that you have a difficult conversation and get the hell out of Dodge. However, if the only proof you have is that your partner is hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, then I think you may be jumping to destructive conclusions.
We all want to be loved and with love, there comes a certain amount of implied trust and respect. I understand that jealousy is a powerful emotion and that the invention of Tinder and other such apps has made flirting and engaging in sexual behaviour with people more accessible and attainable, but without any evidence to support your accusations, you are only harming yourself and ruining your own opportunities.
When did being friends with someone automatically equate to sexual intimacy? Why are we as women fighting with each other instead of encouraging enriching relationships in each other’s lives? Being suspicious of another woman’s motives helps no one. Not you, not your partner and certainly not their friend. Try trusting more. Why spend so much time and energy worrying if something bad might happen? You’ll most likely miss out on something good.