How I Transformed my Relationship to Love and ultimately, to my Self

Date: July 16, 2015

posted by Marijana Cabrita / Comments: 4 Comments / Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


I have come to know a sacred truth about how I experience love that has completely transformed how I relate to life and the notion of love itself. This truth about love became very clear to me when I would suffer major losses in my relationships. I noticed with each painful loss that I was awakening to an ever present loving awareness that metaphorically held my hand and walked me home to a peaceful, loving, open-hearted presence that I later learned has always been walking my life path with me.

I now know that it has always been present with me, through the good times and the difficult times—but my awareness of it was limited. I remember sensing it through my life.

I gradually discovered how my own limiting beliefs about myself as a partner, a mother and, ultimately as a woman were preventing me from having the love that I yearned for. That my mind was navigating my hearts pulse and it was turning most situations into feeling like I was not good enough.

I began to notice how scared I was of facing the truth and learned that if I made a conscious effort to notice how I was feeling that I could also consciously lend myself compassion, which would in a sense accelerate healing. Healing that otherwise would have been prevented by avoidance, disconnect and the negative core beliefs that revolved around fear.

As I allowed myself to be consciously and compassionately present with my pain—I could eventually settle into peace and so too, joy would often arise. As soon as we lend our experience of pain the love that it desires, the grip of fear loosens and releases the grief we’ve been holding on to.

It wasn’t about not wanting to feel the pain anymore but rather, accepting that I was feeling it, which opened the doors to a greater loving awareness of who I was, beyond my belief system.

I began to understand the power that the mind has on the heart and how it can direct me toward suffering or wellness depending on my awareness. That the negative chatter in my mind often lead me to shame, disappointment, anger and judgment. Knowing the whole time that this was not my natural state but often feeling trapped in a negative web because I didn’t yet know how to trust this greater loving awareness.

Conscious compassion helped me surrender to my experience of pain. The more I practiced this, the more I found acceptance for myself, which allowed me to enter the world of presence more and more. I was able to see that it wasn’t my mind that was the perceiver of all my experiences.

It was again, that ever-present loving awareness that has been holding my hand so to speak and witnessing my life unfold with an un-abiding loving presence. The more I embraced this presence the more I could identify this aspect of myself as presence, itself and less as the thoughts that I think or the feelings that I feel and even less a need to get fulfilled by someone else. I started to get acquainted with my Soul (in my opinion just another word for presence/loving awareness/love/etc).

It became clear to me that this presence, which always seemed to be accompanied by a loving awareness, was who I was beyond my physical being. That it reigned above and beyond the ego-driven mind, which constantly strives for external validation and toys with our emotions.

Love is the essence of life itself and works with the physical and psychological aspects of our selves to promote our growth, when we invite it.

By relying solely on the mind, relationships cannot thrive to their full capacity, because the mind by itself can only offer ego driven solutions to love. Positive or negative, our passive reactivity or active seeking for love always has us looking outside of ourselves for security. The more I understood this, grieving dissolves and the truth of who I am begins to surface.

More and more I could trust that Love was not something to seek outside of myself and that embracing this was my life purpose.

As I awakened to this greater level of awareness, this deeper essence of who I am, I rested in knowing that I do not have to put any effort into being anything other than I am. I can make space for increasing awareness of soul love and that it exists without effort. That because it is my true essence, in order to trust in it and embrace it, it is my responsibility to stay present and clear away all the unconscious baggage that gets in the way of thriving in this love.

As I began to regard this loving presence as soul love a sense of aliveness, direction, expansiveness grew within me. I began to free myself of the shackles of rigid and self-defeating thoughts and experience a presence in my relationships that I have never known.

Soul love is love that is beyond measure. It lives and breathes and is the pulse of not just my heart, but of the life that we all share and are all a witness to.

In Western society, the term love is mostly used as a verb. As an act that produces feelings between people. Soul love as a noun allows it to reign as a being in and of itself that is enhanced by the act of loving but exists as an ever present, unchanging, life-affirming aspect of who we are.

Seeing myself and all of life from this place of loving awareness gifts me with the choice to rise up and meet life as it is in truth, freeing me from self-made constraints. Today I choose love. Today I choose presence. That means trusting in my higher purpose and committing to live this life with an open heart. With soul love.

~ Marijana Cabrita is a psychotherapist, mentor, workshop facilitator and lover of this sacred life. Marijana’s passion is in bridging the science of psychology with the power of spirituality. She is committed to helping women awaken to their true sacred essence and embody love.
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  • Michelle Coulombe says:

    You described this process beautifully, Marijana. May it inspire others to begin their own journey of mindful self-discovery and acceptance.

    • Marijana Cabrita says:

      Thank you Michelle. I feel blessed by your feedback on my journey and the journey of countless women on the path to their truth.

  • Marc says:

    Many thanks for the gift of this gorgeous writing. You have articulated this so well and so faithfully to the nuances of what it is like to do this incredibly challenging and yet life changing work. Bless your continued learning and growth, and may others be drawn closer to their own light through your generous sharing.

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