Many Voices on Mother’s Day

Date: May 10, 2015

posted by Brooks Haislip / Comments: 2 Comments / Tags: There is no tags

I am a 39 year old woman, married and have a 4 year-old son. I am deeply in love with my life, my husband and my son and was blessed to get the ‘sleep in’ ticket this morning, wake up to banana pancakes cooked by my beloved men in our home, and now they are at the store buying groceries to cook me dinner. Yes, trust me, I know, I am very blessed and very grateful. For me, for us, it is a day of celebration, and, yet, this day never goes by without us acknowledging the full spectrum of possible emotions on Mother’s Day.

This is not in a morbid sense at all…it is in a very humanly connected sense. You see, my husband lost his best friend in a house fire on Mother’s Day our sophomore year in college and so we always remember the weight of this day for ourselves in 1996 and send blessings to his family, particularly his mom, on this day. And I can still feel the acute sadness I felt, in the caverns of my heart, six years ago, when Mother’s Day fell a few weeks after I had a miscarriage. I didn’t feel like moving. It was rough.

And so today I have held huge intentional space in my heart for a variety of voices in my awareness, of people in my life, on this Mother’s Day 2015, and here are a few of them:

“Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done and I’m not very good at it. Everyone seems so happy on this day, but not me. I’m not sure I’m made for this.”

“I have the best mom in the world who has always been there for me and is the most inspiring woman I know.”

“I’ve been trying for 5 years to get pregnant and nothing is working. I’ve wanted to be a mom my whole life.”

“I feel like the luckiest mother on the planet. I have 3 healthy kids who are all doing amazing things in the world, and I’ve loved every step of the way.”

“To remember my mom is depressing. She was horrific.”

“I am a mother of my service to the world.”

“I’ve never had any children of my own by choice and I feel amazing about that because I am available as an Aunt in more ways than I could have ever imagined, and I love it!”

“My mom died this past year and I really miss her, and I want to have kids of my own but I’m still so depressed I don’t know if I can ever be a mom now.”

“Getting pregnant was a beautiful experience for me and I’m so full of joy on this Mother’s Day as next one I’ll have a baby in my arms.”

“My dogs are my children.”

“I have never wanted kids and feel so judged by the world for this choice.”

“Mother’s Day really isn’t anything to me- I don’t think about it too much either way.”

This roller coaster of expressions could go on and on- situations that may seem more or less intense, and everything in between. So, I ask of you to sit with yourself on this Mother’s Day and take a few deep breaths as to how this day is for you, honor it and also open your heart to the full spectrum of actuality on the planet- that each of us has permission to fully experience whatever our own truth is around this holiday, and, at the same time, as a place for us all to connect at a soul level, a place of heart connection where love holds and pierces thru all emotions, this ride is not all about you. It is about us, all of us honoring our unique place on the planet, while, at the same time, being selflessly aware of how we effect each other.

So perhaps, if you feel amazing about Mother’s Day, you can just pause, and without taking away from your right to purely enjoy, hold space for those who may not be so much on this day. Or perhaps, if you feel bitter or jealous towards another for having an amazing Mother’s Day when you are not, you can find a place in your heart to stretch a little bit away from focusing on what you do not or will not have and shift towards a focus of what you already do and possibly will someday.

Or perhaps, if you do not feel like moving, as I felt post miscarriage 6 Mother’s Days ago, you can make yourself do it anyway. For as hard as it was to put on a smile and a happy face on that day for me, it was the best medicine. I was down, and let myself be so, and, at the same time, I knew that this human walk was not all about me, and that helped me find a smile that was for the outer world’s joy, and, when that smile finally found it’s way out, I felt a deep truth inside of me speak- be real, feel it all, share it all, receive support and keep going and showing up. As a soul sister reminded me recently, after hitting a tough wall in my life a few weeks ago,- “Do what you need to do, feel it all, be how you need to be, and keep going…the world needs you strong.”

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  • Kate Dailey says:

    I love this Brooks. I have mixed emotions on Mother’s Day. I am in love with being a mom, I have an amazing mom and mother in law and step mother. I am incredibly fortunate. I realize this deeply. But I am indifferent to Mother’s Day. I feel like my gifts are my children and while I think it is sweet for them to make me a hand made card, or wish me a happy mother’s day, it is the day in and day out support that means the most to me. Support from those who love me and know that I am one busy mama who love what she is doing but needs support. Strangers seeing me on mother’s day with my children and wishing me a happy day is kind but strangers seeing me try to manage carrying one child, while another one is crying, while I am trying to load groceries in my car and keep the third one from being in the parking lot - and helping me, offering a kind word then, that is what it is all about to me. We are mothers every moment of the year and while it is fun to recognize us on one day, it is regular encouragement and support that is most needed by us mamas. And with my husband traveling on the weekends, mother’s day is a day of parenting mostly on my own which is fine. But the expectations of ‘what are you doing on your special day?’ is frustrating to me. Ah, mother’s day, what a mixed bag. Thanks for your words! xoxo

    • Brooks says:

      Oh Kate- yes yes I so hear and feel you on this- it is indeed the constant steady day to day love and support that we indeed not take for granted, both as givers and receivers of it. In a time where the idea of ‘It takes a village’ is challenged by our isolated living quarters, fast pace of life and lots of pressure to be all things and play multiple roles at once, it is the small things that can certainly create the biggest impacts- so, yes, may us strangers all do that one little extra thing daily and create great ripples!

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